if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I need water and some morals
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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