I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
