omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
