My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
