i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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