I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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