pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
