I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
