Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
