God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
