If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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