I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
