you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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