First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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