There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We just shotgunned beers for America
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
