She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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