we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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