Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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