I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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