just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
