i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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