I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
