there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
