hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
