i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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