I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
