I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize