He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
