Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
