i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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