haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
