i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
