new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
3 2 1 whiskey
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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