things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
