he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
