Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Holy sore nipples Batman
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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