i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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