and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
