Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
