6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize