They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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