Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Randomize
