My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
