dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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