I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
