I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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