if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
