i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize