First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
