why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i wish my penis had a tongue
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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