he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
