My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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