did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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