Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
organizing the empties. That sober.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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