Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
