They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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