Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
