it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just want to make out with him forever
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize