We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
