Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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