We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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