Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
