I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
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