sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
