Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
