Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
