checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
