And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
