She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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