Don't you send me to vm
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
