i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
